Tremors

Reading through my last post, I finally realized what I have been feeling back then was probably a premonition of what obstacles that are coming in my life. With a sinking feeling I realized that I probably was expecting this blow to come to me. To us.

I'm not a very emotional person. I don't show my emotions frequently. People said that I'm very emotionless, most of the time.Today I look emotionless, but inside I'm shaking. Slightly. Not too much. Just a slight tremor. But I'm still shaken to the core. It all started on the 24th.

Needless to say things are never the same since that day. The house is filled with forced laughter, sudden silences, faked cheerfulness, distant looks and not to mention the oppressive atmosphere permeating through it.

I have no idea how to break this awkwardness.

How?

You know what people say about money right?

You can buy a house buy not a home. You can buy medicine but you can't never buy health.

Full moon

Is it my imagination? Tonight the moon is extra bright. It illuminates the dark skies and the stars are shining brightly. It may be cliche, but the stars are like diamonds tonight.

It's been months, or maybe years since I stopped and stare at the night skies like what I did tonight. I have forgotten how to enjoy simple things in life. I feel terrible. When have I become like this? Jaded and sceptic to the core. Things like this I loved when I was a kid have been forgotten as I grew older.

Or is it something else?

Truly. There's something different tonight. It's like an oversight. I couldn't put my finger on this feeling. As I stare at the beautiful night sky I couldn't help feeling something. I try to process the feeling but my brains couldn't come with an answer. It's like an aura. A premonition. Like a deja vu.

I could feel something.

Full moon.

It's not like there's werewolves or vampires roaming around. My life is not like Twilight.

Whatever. I will enjoy the full moon till it fades again.

Life is full of disappointments

Yes I know. Life is full of disappointments. It ain't a bed of roses. It ain't always pretty.

Knowing that particular fact doesn't really help reduce the hurt though. No matter what I say to myself, don't get your hopes to high, don't have any expectations, hope for the best and prepare for the worst, etc. I told that to myself over and over again.

Still when the time comes, disappointment struck me to the core and I got hurt. Yet again. Over and over again.

I hate being hurt so. I hate it, but I doesn't really makes any difference and it will never cease. It will keep coming and coming.

Will it get better in time? Will I look back when I'm older to laugh at this pointless battle against life's challenges? Will it cease to hurt?

I don't think so.

I don't like to depend on other people. I really don't. I think that I can only depend on myself, and if I disappoint myself, I only have myself to blame, and that thought can push me to work harder to not do so to myself. If I depend on other people, what can I do?

I don't like to depend on other people because of one person in my life kept disappointing me since I was small and the worst thing is, that person doesn't even knew it and kept doing it again and again. And I knew that it will not change. And I knew that if i have to depend on that person again I will be let down yet again. I don't want to depend on that person again but this situation will continuously pop out.

Yet I kept hoping that this time it's not gonna be like the past. This time it's different. This time I will not be hurt again.

Just to be let down yet again.

Will this cycle ever end?

I don't think so.

Cause some people never change.

Award....

Sebab Ana bagi award punya pasal...kne tuka tema blog nie skit...kne tulis bm plakk...okeh2

5 fakta menarik tentang Ana:

Ana adalah seorang manusia yg tinggi lampai...malah lebih tinggi dr tuan empunya blog ini! Ya! Tinggi dan kurus. Leh jadik model la.

Dia adalah seorang yg suka brgambar,menangkap gambar org lain, menangkap gambar makhluk2 lain contohnya seperti merak.

Dier juga suka mengedit gambar dan meletakkannya di tagged atau blognya. Jadi berhati2lah bila dier mengambil gambar anda,kerana anda mungkin akan femes di profil tagged Ana.

Dier suka bertagged. Insaflah Ana. Berubahlah kepada facebook yg mempunyai lebeh banyak features yg lebeh menarik dr tagged. Hehehe

Peminat Bunkface! Atau segala2 muzik2 indie.

10 fakta pelik pasal aku:

1)Tinggiku 168.Ingin menjadi lebih tinggi dr itu agar dapat menewaskan Ana.

2)Rambutku kini pendek. Akibat salah komunikasi di salun. Nasib baik sme kte rambut nie mcm Matahari/Agnes Monica/Jelita.

3)Boyfriendku adalah laptopku. Tanpa laptopku bagaikan tiada matahari menerangi duniaku.Hahah.

4)Akan menjadi tidak keruan jika tiada internet.

5)Benci matematik. Benci! Benci!

6)Hanya gila berfacebook tiap2 hari sebab nak main Mafia Wars jer.Org add ke bagi mesej ke nk berkenalan ke maaf aku tak layan, melainkan ianya melibatkan Mafia Wars.

7)Waktu cuti mcm nie tiap2 hari berhibernasi jer. Tido makan tido makan.

8)Gila game.Tambah2 yg bunuh2 monster pastu level up. Hahah

9)Tak ske giler makan kari.

10)Ske baca buku citer. Tapi maaf ye buku cintan2 tak dilayan. Buku Stephen King ke Dean Koontz ke haaa tu baru layan.

5 blogger yg trima award ni:

Haaaa...ni susah nie....jd spe2 yg nk amek award nie sila2....amek je!


Sekian trima kaseehhh!!